like nothing. maybe i should just sit in my pajamas eating those evil christmas cookies (whatever i have bad cramps today so i’m allowed) and watching one of the millions of movies i’ve recently downloaded. or i should go out somewhere since i really have not left suburbia in over a week and could really use some socializing. buhhh decisions decisions……
“Sylvia thought how all parents wanted an impossible life for their children — happy beginning, happy middle, happy ending. No plot of any kind. What uninteresting people would result if parents got their way.”—the jane austin book club
why must my father insist on having the “so what are you going to be after you graduate?” conversation every time we have lunch together? yes i’m 24 and still have no clue what i want to be when i grow up, but what’s so wrong with that? so many people just stumble into their careers or skill set. my problem isn’t that i’m lacking in ideas about what i want to be, it’s that i have too many ideas. i want to do everything. but i don’t want to do one thing forever. i hardly want to do one thing for a little while. i get really interested in a subject for a period and then *woosh* i don’t care about it anymore (it’s very similar to how i deal with guys). like food for example: for about two years i was quite the foodie, i read several food blogs and magazines and wanted to be a food critic or open a restaurant or be a professional server. and now? eh, food’s food. it was the same with acting, forensic pathology, politics and right now i’m really into the entertainment industry. i love great tv and films and would love to be a critic or a casting director or manager or just work on set as a gopher. but how long will this interest last? i doubt long enough for me to graduate, get back in contact with my friend who was the casting director for mad tv and actually move to la. i’ll have moved on to a new subject once i unpack my u-haul.
here is my at-the-moment list of what i want to be (which is hardly comprehensive):
pollster - like for newsweek or politico or gallup, etcetcetc
make up/hair artist
law enforcement - police detective/cia/fbi (definitely more of a behind the desk, “one who asks the questions/does all the thinking” profiler type position rather than a swat team member)
comedy manager/casting director (or any job on set)
modern (presidential) historian
map/book store owner
wife of a rich man (only because i’m lazy and don’t actually want a job)
this wouldn’t bum me out so much if they had more than 3 branches of their public library. but they don’t so this is really bumming me out.
I think it’s because no one leaves their houses in Laredo. Each time you park your car, someone steals it for scrap metal. Maybe a drive-thru Borders would work. Until then, cars will be locked up securely in garages and people will be alternating between porn and Amazon.
this actually made me cry. i wonder how many mcdonalds there are in laredo.
i don’t understand why the guys in my life treat me like such garbage and are so condescending towards me. do i choose them? do i allow it? do they just gravitate to me? they push me aside and take advantage and say rude things to me. they say my problems are unimportant and tell me how i’m living my life wrong and scoff at my stories and interrupt me when i’m talking. these aren’t just the guys i have romantic relationships with either, it’s the guys in my life. i may be weird and overly nice and a little chubby and insecure but that does not make me a rug to walk all over.
fucking respect me for who i am and treat me like a real woman or get out of my life.